We’re Under Attack!

Episode 6: We’re Under Attack!

It’s hot coffee, an improv comedy show. Recorded December 14, 2008.

SCENES

• 00:30 Hugh Jackman Is Hosting the 2009 Oscars
  Hugh Jackman has an uncanny sense of occasion, but which Hugh will be hosting?


• 2:10 Apparently, Winning Is Still Too Complex For The Detroit Lions
  Bearing witness to insignificant history; What does the coach of the 0-14 Lions tell his players in the locker room? How does the quarterback explain philanthropic football to his wife?


• 8:25 Olivia from Boston is having trouble with a French Horn Bully in the school cafeteria
  Hot Coffee Show responds to viewer mail; Olivia and Shelly take a stand; the cafeteria erupts into song.

Download the audio show

N.B.: In response to questions, it’s true, they made up the song up live! Unfortunately the video tape ran out, hence the intermission. You can hear the original drums and keys Matt played live at the beginning when George the Jock first sings; all other production was done in post.  Post, baby!

Lyrics: “We’re Under Attack!”

(George the Jock)
They’re making fun of us, can’t believe it
They’re making fun of us, I can’t believe it
I never thought this day would come
When we’d be on the run
Making fun of us—band kids and one jock

Chorus
This is whack!
We’re under attack!
(x2)

(Shelly, Olivia’s Friend)
Hey, Jean-Claude, you think you’re the cat’s meow
But I’m gonna school you and we’ll show you how
We’re making fun of your stupid horn techniques
We’re making fun of your stupid horn sneakers

Chorus

(Jean-Claude the Bully)
In my old school I was the biggest dork you’ve ever seen
Emotional problems, no girlfriends, and lack of self-esteem
My parents saw I had some problems, they took me out
Tried to teach me karate and make me play baseball

Then I had one crazy uncle who knew what was up
He said, “Jean-Claude, come over here, I’m changing your luck”
He put a French Horn in my hand and some money in my pocket
I switched up schools and I was bigger than the jocks

Chorus

(Olivia from Boston)
I’m tired of all this hierarchy
You can take your snarky looks and take all the malarchy
I’m ***** of the band
My name’s Olivia and I’m taking a stand

Hey you think you’re hot, oh you think you’re pretty cool
Well, guess what, I’ve got news for you
You play the horn and your horn is French
Well, I play the horn, too, and I play it better than sex

Chorus